True Colors

  I am nowhere near an expert in relationships. However I have learned a lot along the way.
  One thing that I've learned is that people's true colors come out when they are hurt, upset, ect. Depending on the level of emotions at the time people can say some pretty hurtful, cold hearted  things in an argument that will really put you position in that person's life in perspective. 
  I have been in many relationships where I have been disrespected, physically abused, emotionally abused, & mentality abused.
  Many people get upset & say things that not only put your position in their life in perspective but also makes you question the relationship. 
  I am the type of person who is silent during an argument bc I do NOT want to hurt anybody feelings or make the argument worse. The 2 main reasons that I am silent is bc you can't take back hurtful words once they are said & my Grandma Ercyal always said " If you can't say anything nice, Don't say anything @ all.
  As an adult I understand the impact of those words & I have carried her words of wisdom with me through my life.
  I feel like I would rather take a physical beating than for somebody to say some hurtful stuff to me. 
  Why? Bc hurtful words stay with me & I beat myself up over the words that I hear someone say about me. The main reason for this is bc everyday I wake up I try to be a better person than I was yesterday, a better mother than I was the day before, & I strive to be the best person in God's eyes that I can be bc, let's face it, everybody wants somebody to be proud of them for the hard work that a person puts into their lives. Everybody wants somebody to see that they are trying & making progress.
  I am on the verge of divorce. I don't know why. All I know is that I cater to my husband & children bc there is nothing that I wouldn't do to see them HAPPY. However, my soon to be ex-husband, had a lot of complaints about what I do in the relationship. I often say to him " If you would work on your OWN faults in this relationship , instead of pointing out all my faults, maybe we could work on fixing our marriage! " He makes it seem like I am the only one @ fault. 
  A marriage takes 2 people to make the relationship work. If you stay married or get divorced it's bc BOTH of you let it happen or let it fail.
  I am NOT the one to argue! I am NOT gonna argue with anybody bc I look @ it this way, " Don't talk about, Be about it! " 
  So, when me & my soon to ex, has an argument, as he says, it is NOT an argument, it's him telling me everything single thing that I do wrong. I can take constructive criticism but I feel like he belittles me. He never talks about what he's doing wrong in the relationship. He doesn't even acknowledge that he is wrong, so therefore, he doesn't apologize for anything. I guess that's bc in his eyes I am the problem.
  When he gets upset with me he cursed me out & says a lot of hurtful, cold hearted, hateful comments to me, which makes me ? his true colors & my place in his life. 
  We have been together for going on 6 years & have been married for less than a year. We have literally been having the same exact problem for 3-4 years. When we get in disagreements, he uses the same exact words, & he tells me the same exact thing every single week.
  Every time he asks me a ?, wile I am trying to explain it to him, he cuts me off & fusses @ me about not answering him. When I try to tell him how I feel, I say one word & he cuts me off, to tell me that he don't care about what I have to say.
  No wonder why our marriage is heading for divorce bc if you relationship had nothing else to thrive it has to have " Love, Respect, Trust, & Communication  "
  I feel like if wd have not solved this problem by now, we are never gonna solve it & for me, I am just defeated. I am numb & I could care less weather he left or not. I feel like I would be happier & more @ peace, since he has made me feel like I am his problem. I refuse to keep going back & fourth every week. I am just ready to be done! I am always being accused, even though I don't go anywhere unless he takes me & he runs off in the truck that is in my name. He'll be gone for hours & won't even so much as tell me he's leaving or where he's going. 
  I am @ the point in my life that all I want is to be happy & @ peace! I have also gotten to the point in my life that I REFUSE to be cursed out, disrespect, & ignored! This is mainly bc I am a role model for my daughter, who is 14 years old, & as her mother, I will be the one to set the bar for how she allows herself to be treated in her relationships in the future.
  I am so mentally exhausted! As far as I am concerned my marriage is over & I am so ready to finally find myself!!!!!! 
  From this point on, I refuse to be cursed out, disrespected, ignored, made feel like me & my feelings don't matter, made feel like I am nothing, & most importantly I refuse to stay in a situation where I feel unloved!
  When a man REALLY LOVES YOU:
* He will NOT curse you & call you names.
* He will take the time to listen to how you feel.
* He will NOT disrespect you in any way.
* He will wake up everyday & think about what he can do that day to make you Happy!
* He will make you feel like you matter & are the most important person in his life!
  As for the steps in doing my own work to fix myself, I can put a check mark by # 1 in finding myself & refusing to tolerate being disrespected.
  I am slowly but surely learning what my worth is & " I deserve to be respected, treated good, & loved. "
 I am not by any means perfect, but I was raised to treat people how I want to be treated & I DEMAND the same from the spouse that I am with!
  Stay tuned for what's ahead in my new found self journey in finding myself & the person that I once was before I married a controlling, selfish, self securless man.
  
 
  

All Creatures (May/June 2018 issue)

  So, I had my, almost 4 year old nephew this weekend, as I do every weekend & my mom had left me this Guidepost book. So, when it was naptime I read this article as a naptime story. Not only did I ABSOLUTELY love it but it also touched my heart!
  Without giving too much of the story away, it is about this golden retriever, who the owners had just found out that he had Leukaemia. During his life he found an Amazingly high # of baseball's. 
  You can find this article & more @:
Guideposts.orgGuideposts.org.