You will be treated how YOU "ALLOW" YOURSELF TO BE TREATED.

  Life after DIVORCE! I know that emotionally a divorce brings a lot of different emotions @ 1 time. Your sad, confused, happy, relieved, worried, lost, just to name a few. 
  The only problem that me & my ex had was completely all of his creation, he would start complaining over literly everything. Since I refused to argue with him, I stayed silent, so with me not saying a word, that's NOT An argument, right?
  Well we just split up the day before yesterday. Now I am feeling so relieved mainly bc I am under NO control or expectations. 
  I have to say that I am so proud of myself bc for the very 1st time in my life I put some BOUNDARIES in place for my ex.
  He just thought that he was gonna stop by my house & wake me up @ 12:35 am. When I opened that door I said to him " Let me get this straight right now. You have all day of you wanna pick up your stuff. Don't be coming by here waking me up @ this time of the morning! "
  This was my " Day #1 in finding myself ! " I was so proud of myself for taking up for me bc normally I let people run all over me bc I want to respect them, don't want to hurt their feelings, ect. Not this this time! I will still have some of the qualities that make me who I am. One thing that I will change about me is that I will no longer except what I don't like. I will not only find my voice, but I will USE my voice! That's a big change from who I was when I was married. I am gonna be the person who teaches people how to treat me!
  One thing that I've learned through my life is that " A MAN WILL ONLY TREAT YOU HOW YOU ALLOW HIM TO TREAT YOU!!!!! " People need to put those boundaries in place @ the very beginning of your relationship, & if the boundaries get crossed, you have to have your consequences in place. Without boundaries & consequences people are going to treat you & talk to you anyway that they want to. At the same time you have to treat everybody with RESPECT, LOVE, & KINDNESS and also give them something to respect!
  
  

True Colors

  I am nowhere near an expert in relationships. However I have learned a lot along the way.
  One thing that I've learned is that people's true colors come out when they are hurt, upset, ect. Depending on the level of emotions at the time people can say some pretty hurtful, cold hearted  things in an argument that will really put you position in that person's life in perspective. 
  I have been in many relationships where I have been disrespected, physically abused, emotionally abused, & mentality abused.
  Many people get upset & say things that not only put your position in their life in perspective but also makes you question the relationship. 
  I am the type of person who is silent during an argument bc I do NOT want to hurt anybody feelings or make the argument worse. The 2 main reasons that I am silent is bc you can't take back hurtful words once they are said & my Grandma Ercyal always said " If you can't say anything nice, Don't say anything @ all.
  As an adult I understand the impact of those words & I have carried her words of wisdom with me through my life.
  I feel like I would rather take a physical beating than for somebody to say some hurtful stuff to me. 
  Why? Bc hurtful words stay with me & I beat myself up over the words that I hear someone say about me. The main reason for this is bc everyday I wake up I try to be a better person than I was yesterday, a better mother than I was the day before, & I strive to be the best person in God's eyes that I can be bc, let's face it, everybody wants somebody to be proud of them for the hard work that a person puts into their lives. Everybody wants somebody to see that they are trying & making progress.
  I am on the verge of divorce. I don't know why. All I know is that I cater to my husband & children bc there is nothing that I wouldn't do to see them HAPPY. However, my soon to be ex-husband, had a lot of complaints about what I do in the relationship. I often say to him " If you would work on your OWN faults in this relationship , instead of pointing out all my faults, maybe we could work on fixing our marriage! " He makes it seem like I am the only one @ fault. 
  A marriage takes 2 people to make the relationship work. If you stay married or get divorced it's bc BOTH of you let it happen or let it fail.
  I am NOT the one to argue! I am NOT gonna argue with anybody bc I look @ it this way, " Don't talk about, Be about it! " 
  So, when me & my soon to ex, has an argument, as he says, it is NOT an argument, it's him telling me everything single thing that I do wrong. I can take constructive criticism but I feel like he belittles me. He never talks about what he's doing wrong in the relationship. He doesn't even acknowledge that he is wrong, so therefore, he doesn't apologize for anything. I guess that's bc in his eyes I am the problem.
  When he gets upset with me he cursed me out & says a lot of hurtful, cold hearted, hateful comments to me, which makes me ? his true colors & my place in his life. 
  We have been together for going on 6 years & have been married for less than a year. We have literally been having the same exact problem for 3-4 years. When we get in disagreements, he uses the same exact words, & he tells me the same exact thing every single week.
  Every time he asks me a ?, wile I am trying to explain it to him, he cuts me off & fusses @ me about not answering him. When I try to tell him how I feel, I say one word & he cuts me off, to tell me that he don't care about what I have to say.
  No wonder why our marriage is heading for divorce bc if you relationship had nothing else to thrive it has to have " Love, Respect, Trust, & Communication  "
  I feel like if wd have not solved this problem by now, we are never gonna solve it & for me, I am just defeated. I am numb & I could care less weather he left or not. I feel like I would be happier & more @ peace, since he has made me feel like I am his problem. I refuse to keep going back & fourth every week. I am just ready to be done! I am always being accused, even though I don't go anywhere unless he takes me & he runs off in the truck that is in my name. He'll be gone for hours & won't even so much as tell me he's leaving or where he's going. 
  I am @ the point in my life that all I want is to be happy & @ peace! I have also gotten to the point in my life that I REFUSE to be cursed out, disrespect, & ignored! This is mainly bc I am a role model for my daughter, who is 14 years old, & as her mother, I will be the one to set the bar for how she allows herself to be treated in her relationships in the future.
  I am so mentally exhausted! As far as I am concerned my marriage is over & I am so ready to finally find myself!!!!!! 
  From this point on, I refuse to be cursed out, disrespected, ignored, made feel like me & my feelings don't matter, made feel like I am nothing, & most importantly I refuse to stay in a situation where I feel unloved!
  When a man REALLY LOVES YOU:
* He will NOT curse you & call you names.
* He will take the time to listen to how you feel.
* He will NOT disrespect you in any way.
* He will wake up everyday & think about what he can do that day to make you Happy!
* He will make you feel like you matter & are the most important person in his life!
  As for the steps in doing my own work to fix myself, I can put a check mark by # 1 in finding myself & refusing to tolerate being disrespected.
  I am slowly but surely learning what my worth is & " I deserve to be respected, treated good, & loved. "
 I am not by any means perfect, but I was raised to treat people how I want to be treated & I DEMAND the same from the spouse that I am with!
  Stay tuned for what's ahead in my new found self journey in finding myself & the person that I once was before I married a controlling, selfish, self securless man.
  
 
  

All Creatures (May/June 2018 issue)

  So, I had my, almost 4 year old nephew this weekend, as I do every weekend & my mom had left me this Guidepost book. So, when it was naptime I read this article as a naptime story. Not only did I ABSOLUTELY love it but it also touched my heart!
  Without giving too much of the story away, it is about this golden retriever, who the owners had just found out that he had Leukaemia. During his life he found an Amazingly high # of baseball's. 
  You can find this article & more @:
Guideposts.orgGuideposts.org.

  

Grandma Wells meets her great grand Angel Baby, Ayden, yesterday

My Grandma Ercyal Wells passed away yesterday. She was truly the sunshine in my life! She was so out going, fun loving, & a hard worker. She retired from Philip Morris the cigarette company, & Wal-Mart. She also worked as a professional clown at one time.
  I was having a day out with my sister, Angel, & my nephews, "Tre", which is my sister Angel's son & Monte, who is my sister J.C.'s son. On the way back home I just so happened to see an elcomano in someone's yard & I asked my sister " Do you remember that time we wrecked Grandmas car?" as we shared a laugh, I couldn't help but think of how I grew up & the times that I cherished with my Grandma.
  When I got home my mom told me that my Grandma had passed. I had a bad feeling bc my sister & I didn't ever have a conversation about my Grandma & it just so happened that I seen that elcomano. It looked  just like the one that my Grandma had .
  As I got home I walked in the door crying & my husband came to comfort me, I told him the bad news. He told me to go lay down, rest, or do whatever I wanted bc I didn't have to cook that night.
  As I was processing my grandma's passing, I had a strong erge to cook, as I was preparing the ingredients to get started cooking, I could hear her telling me, " Baby when my time comes, life goes on, & all you can do is live. The only difference will be that you, ( meaning me), will have to live for both of us!" 
 My grandma absolutely LOVED to cook. My Uncle Ed always said that just by tasting something, she could go home & cook the same thing that they ate & it would taste exactly like the food they tasted. Uncle Ed said that she could taste every single seasoning & be able to cook it months later & it would taste the exact same. That's one of the many amazing traits that my mom, Cindy, absolute did NOT get from my grandma. My mom could burn water.
  The last time I go to go see my grandma was about 2 years ago. She was so tiny, about 97 pounds. She lived in a nursing home because she had altimers. 
  My mom went into her room ahead of me & grandma, surprisingly knew who she was. As my mom moved, I came out from around her & my mom asked my grandma, " Do you know who that is, referring to me, my Grandma said, " Yes, I know who that is, she's my daughter, Patty!" 
  She was so excited to see me. I was amazed that she remembered me because it was so long ago since I had been to see her because I live in Louisiana, & she lived in Virginia.
  My grandma always cherished me & she was very active in my life. My grandma done more for me as a child than my own mom has done for me my whole life! My grandma was always there for me, she always spent time with me, & she always believed me, & was always on my side. My own mom could never come, not even close to the mother that my Grandma was to me.

  In Loving Memory of my Grandma Wells:
 You have always been my Sunshine on the rainy days! My best & most cherished memories are the ones that I got to spend with you. I thank God for the love, time, & memories that I got to share with you. Being with you were by far my BEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!
You will 4-EVER BE MISSED & I L💜VE YOU SO MUCH, Grandma! 
 When you get through the gates of heaven be sure to hug & kiss my Angel Baby Ayden  for me & wrap him in ALL of the L💞💜VE that he can handle & please let him know that Nana misses him everyday & L💜💞💕VES him so much❣

As a Mother

As a Mother, we all what what's best for our children. Most importantly certain parts of parenting will carry down the line from one generation to the next. As a Mother there's certain parts of your past that you wish your children had, like playing outside,having imagination, or maybe carrying on a family tradition,like reading to your children at night or having a family night. As for me I didn't want them to have any part of my past. In fact, at the age of 12 years old,I knew that I was gonna make sure that they carry on any of my past. My family didn't have any traditions to be carried on. The only tradition that I wanted to carry on is a new tradition.

As a Child

  As a child what sticks out the most in my memory  is the molestation and abuse that I suffered. As I look back on my childhood memories there were no good times and fun days were non-existent. From what I do remember, my mom had always depended on men to take care of us. My mom did not work. I never understood why because after my mom graduated from high school, she got her CNA license and she went to school to be a real estate agent. I don't have any memories at all when my mom worked. What I did know is that  she had horriable choice in men. One specifically use to beat me so bad that I had to wear pants and long sleeve shirts in the summer to hide the bruises all over my body. My mom never had the backbone to take up for us. My mom, Cindy, was not a loving mom at all. I have no memories of my mom reading us bed time story, she didn't show affection. As a child I didn't get hugs, kisses, or told "I  love you". Instead she would let anybody treat us anyway they wanted to. She never was loving or kind when it come to us kids. As a child I mostly remember being physically abused, molested, ignored, unwanted, and unloved. As I look back at that time of my life all I feel is fear, pain, sadness, and hopelessness.

As a child my most foundest, cherishable memories was  spending time with my Grandma Wells and Uncle Ed. My grandma and Uncle Ed retired from the Phillip Morris the cigarette company, grandma also retired from Walmart too. Every chance she had off or was not working she would come pick us up, me and my sister, that's a year younger than me. Being with them at their house right across the street from the lake was my most cherished memories. My grandma was so full of life, energetic, and outgoing. She was always on the go. Every time we went to grandma's I knew we were gonna have so much fun. We went to what I called "Grandma's Beach" which was right across the road and around the bend from her house. We would often get in the small aluminum boat that she kept tied up and go right around the bend to the beach. It had showers, swing sets, & a platform in the deep end of the water that we use to jump off of. When we wasn't going to thrift shops, or grandma's beach we went to the swimming lessons that my Grandma paid to have us in for three years. My grandma's house was my home away from home. My safe house, the only place where we got to feel loved, important , & special. It was really the only place where we had any normality as far as family and being in a truly happy home. We spent as much time at grandma's as we could.
  As for my biological grandpa, which is my mom Dad, he committed suicide when my mom was only six years old. He went to the garage, shut the garage door, then he sat in his car, started the ignition, rolled the windows down, and suffocated his self. Needless to say, I never got to meet him. The only left of my grandpa was a picture, only one picture. My mom likes to say that she looks just like her dad. I told mom that she needs stronger glasses because she really looks just like my grandma. I don't see any charisitcs that she got from her Dad. 
   My Uncle Ed, is the only grandpa figure that I had. He started dating my Grandma when I was an infant baby. I have to say that my Uncle Ed is one of the most AMAZING men that I have ever met in my life. Uncle Ed never had any kids of his own. Me and my sister was as close to kids as he got. Uncle Ed was the kindest man that you would ever met, he was caring, compassionate, and
he loves to go to car shows, he has a garage full of old collectable, antique toy cars, trucks, ect. He even has two show cars of his own. He has a 66 mustang and a 66 Camero SS. 
 One day he took me for a ride in his convertible mustang, as we get down the roaf he laid the top down, and I started crying because I thought that I was going to fly out. To this day he still laughs at me about thay. I was especially was close to him. Every night we stayed at grandma's me, my sister Angel, and Uncle Ed would get up at 12:00am and get our midnight snack. He was my grandma's voice of reason, although my Grandma was a firecracker and did not listen to anybody that tried to tell her what to do, she would listen to Uncle Ed. He was her voice of reason. 
  My fondest memories me, Angel, and Grandma was getting ready to go on an outing. As grandma was getting everything together, she told me and my sister to go get in the car, which was a elcoman, so we did. While my Grandma was locking the house up I shouted "Throw me the keys grandma", so she did. I then said "I am pitting them in the ignition, "ok". At that moment my sister said "I dare you to put it on the "R". I did exactly that and we went rolling back, across the street, and hit a tree. My grandma was mad as hell. I had never been in trouble at my grandma's before. After the car stopped, me and my sister got out, walked across the street, and opened the front door and I hear my Grandma say " I am going to tear their backsides up good this time, go look at my car!"
 When we walked into the house, Uncle Ed sent me to My grandma's room and he sent Angel to his room. As we are sitting in the room being punished I heard My Uncle Ed sayd " Calm down Erycle, I'm sure that it's not that bad. Don't spank them, punish them, they are kids, they didn't know any better. I just thank God that they didn't hurt themselves or anybody else". After dinner and we took our baths Uncle Ed called us into the living room and talked to us about what could have happened but didn't. After he finished his speech grandma added that we would be staying at her house for two weeks for punishment. She then stated as punishment we would clean the kitchen, bathroom, and what ever else she could find for us to do. That was by far the best punishment that I have ever had to do. 

The new baby

 As time went on I was 11 years old at this point and my mom Cindy had another baby girl in 1990. My baby sister was named after grandma Doris. I remember when my mom went in labor. She took me and Angel to school that morning and when she was dropping us off she was on the phone with my step dad telling him that she was dropping us off at school and going to the hospital because she was in labor. Dad wanted her to bring him some orange juice before she went to have my sister. My sister Josiphine Clarice was born on October 4th, 1990. I was happy to have a baby sister little did I know in less that a week I would be raising her and taking care of her like she was my own child. 
 A few days after October 4th, my mom walks in the door with a beautiful baby girl. I was so taken by this new little baby. From the time that my mother brought her home from the hospital I felt a strong sense of motherly love, devotion, and compassion for this baby. I helped my mom, step dad, & sister in everyway to take care of, not only the baby J.C. as we call her,  but my younger, handicapped, sister Michelle to. 
 Three days later, I  hear my baby sister crying. As I walked in the room, where my mother and sister was, I see my mom throw my baby sister down onto the bed. I could not believe what I just witnessed! To this day I am not sure why I was so surprised. I guess it was because as I  was a child my mother was more of a verbal abuser instead of a hands on.  She would scream at us a lot. Now don't get me wrong she would smack the you know what out of us from time to time. I guess another reason that I was shocked was because the first time in my life, I seen the motherly love that my mom had for my sister that I didn't get to experience as a child. 
 After I witnessed my mom throw my sister on that bed, from that day on, I dedicated myself to become my sister's care taker. I did not want to report it because I didn't want to lose my sister. I figured that if I took care of her my mom wouldn't be overwhelmed, and most importantly, my sister wouldn't be abused. 

A new life

 A year later my mom packed us up and we moved from Richmond Virginia to Thomas Louisiana. My grandma Wells cried and tried to talk my mom out of moving but I guess my mom wanted to make some changes of her own. I was happy about it except for leaving my grandma. My grandma had always been like a second mom to me. I stayed with my Grandma and "Uncle Ed" as we called him as much as we could get away with. My uncle Ed never married my Grandma but he lived with her ever since I was a new born. We called him uncle bc he didn't want to be called grandpa. 
It was hard to leave my Grandma & uncle Ed! Being at their house was my favorite place to be. My safe home. Once we moved to Louisiana Burl and my mom got married. The first person that we met was my step dad's mom Doris. She's always said that I have always been her heart since the first day that she laid eyes on me. She never treated me like a step grandchild. We got right in with my step dad's family. They never treated us any any thing but Family!
When we first got to Louisiana we moved in with my step dad father. His name was Clinton. I'm not exactly sure how long we lived there. Staying there was horriable. Clinton was a drunk. He drank from the time he got up in the morning until the time he went to bed. After a while he started touching me. I kept it a secret for a long time because for the first time in my life I had a family and I did not want to break that up because that's all I have ever wanted as a child since my dad never was around. After about three years I went to my step dad and told him that his Dad had been touching me. After I confessed we moved out but Burl and my mom never reported it. The only thing that my step dad said was that we were moving out and I never had to stay with him again. We still visited him up until the day he died, but I never did stay another night .

The Beginning

 When we grow into adults the older we get the harder it is to remember our childhood. I was born in Richmond Virginia in January of 1982. For those of you who do not know or have never heard of or been to Virginia, Richmond is the dangerous part of town, somewhat like New Orleans Louisiana.
  I was born to a single mom. My mom always told me who my dad was all my life. Since my dad was married I didn't even get to meet him until I was sixteen years old. So I will start where I do remember.
  The earliest age that I can remember I was about five years old. I lived with my mother, her boyfriend, Ron, and at that point my two sisters, one being a year younger than me and the other was handicapped. My mom and Ron, who was my two sister's dad was separating, from what my mom told he friends he was not sleeping in the bed with her and the were just not getting along. The real reason why the separated was that my mom kept finding him in my bed.
 After the split my mom sent me & my sister Angel to Ron's house in the weekends and in the summer. I absolutely hated to go to Ron's house. When Ron went to work he left us with this family who lived on a farm. The wife worked at the airport, and us kids stayed with the husband, and the couple had two boys. All of us kids had to be outside for the entire day. When it was almost time for Ron to pick me and my sister up, this man, I don't recall his name, but he would call us inside. Once we got in the house he would be naked sitting in his chair and he would make me and my sister sit in his lap and he would touch on us and tell us that we better not say anything and even if we did nobody would believe us. 
 As the summer went on I started noticing that Ron would only make me sleep in his room every other night instead of every night. At that point I knew what was happening to me and I made my mind up that I was not going to let this happen to my sister, I had to protect her. 
  After the first night that Ron made my sister sleep in his room I called my Grandma Wells crying and I begged her to come get us. I knew that I could always depend on my Grandma. She got there in no time and I told her that I need to talk to her & I told her that I did not want to go home to my mom's, I wanted to stay with her.
 The next day my Grandma asked me why I called her to come get me and I told her what had been happening with the babysitter and I told her what Ron had been doing to me. Ron had been touching on me and molesting me ever since I could remember. After I told my Grandma in detail what happened she then took me home to tell my mom. Nothing was done about it but I was happy because at least we would never have to go back there again, or so I thought.
As the end of school year was ending, when I got home from school that day I hear my mom on the phone telling somebody that she was sending me and my sister to Ron's house for the summer. I told my Grandma that she wouldn't believe me, as I started panicking and crying I thought about the conversation that I had with my grandma. My grandma told me that I have to be strong, I have to be fearless, and if my mom didn't believe me, I need to tell everybody that will listen what happened to me while I was at Ron's house. 
I was so excited to go to school that next morning. I was on a mission! I got straight off of the school bus and went to the office and straight to the principle as tears streamed down my face I could barley talk as I told her what happened to me the summer before. I don't know who the reached contacted or who she told ,but when I got home that day police cars were in my driveway. As I walked up the steps I heard an officer call my name and ask me "Would you like to go for a ride in my police car and play with the sirens", with a big smile on my face, I got in the car and for a ride we went.
 At this point I had just turned 7 years old. I don't know all of the detail of what was going on at the time, all I knew was that we no longer had to stay with Ron that summer and I was seeing councilors and going to court trials. I was terrified to speak out in court because not only did that man put fear in my heart but he was looking at me the whole time like I did something wrong.
 After the court hearing was over I got to go into the judges chambers. The judge took me by the hand and said " I am so sorry for what you had to go threw and I know that you were scared to tell your story. I just want to let you know that you are a strong young lady and I am so proud of you for being so brave. I promise you that bad man will never hurt you ever again because I put him in jail and he is now behind bars. I just want to Thank you for being so brave and speaking out because weather you know it or not you saved other little girls and because of you those girls are now protected". I asked the judge can I go and see him in jail ofcourse he told me that he couldn't let me go back there because jail is for bad people and I am not allowed back there because I was a good girl.
 As a seven year old girl for once in my life I was proud of myself. 
 As time went on the past was behind me. Later that same year my mom met a man named Burl. I don't know what it was about him, but for the first time in my life I felt safe, I felt like I finally had a dad. When Burl came in from work before he could even get in the door I jumped in his arms and said "Dad can you take us to McDonald's" as he went towards the back to the shower he cracked a smile and said "How can I say No to a precious face like that"?

An Angel Baby for My Birthday

 Four months & 2 days ago, my oldest son Austin had his 1st baby boy. Born @ 4 pounds & 5 ounces. He was perfect, too perfect for this world apparently bc God took him back before he was born. Everything was great during the whole pregnancy, then out of nowhere he was gone. The worst part was that he was stillborn the day before my birthday, as parents or grandparents like myself the is no greater pain in this world than to loose a child. 
  Believe me, I would know be I lost one.
   I will be writing more about my Angel Baby in detail so stayed tuned to by Blog!